I wonder does anyone ever know what they’re doing…..like ever?
I spend so much time thinking and planning and scheming about what I should do now and what I should do later or if I should do what I was going to do later, now or how much money that would be and how much money I would have then. It is extremely exhausting. I have bought numerous calendars and planners to try to keep a lid on things and honestly its like trying to catch water with an open hand. WTF.
Point is planning is kinda pointless. God is going to do what ever he wants, because he kinda knows what he is doing. By kinda I mean really knows what the heck he is doing. But for some reason I always feel the need to micromanage God. Who does that?? Like I’m some pointdexter that has an IQ of a billion….pssth. Meanwhile, I’m still figuring out how to keep money in my account, fold a fitted sheet, and not be a bitch my entire life, but no God I know what im doing…..pssth 2x.
BTW I’m trying to not to eat out for the month. Kinda for money, kinda for my health. I havent really decided.
Im trying to think if I should write like I’m talking to someone directly or…… nah I like the first option, sorry I’m not going to let you know the second one. But I’m MOST likely the only one to ever read these so truly it doesn’t matter. So I’m trying to start this little side project called getting my entire fucking life together, but you know it’s hard. I have no idea on how to begin, it’s crazy. How do people do this daily? Oh thats right only 0.18908yy8y7474 all of all human-kind know what the fuck they are doing. Yes I understand decimals do not have letters in them, but then again in algebra they did sooooo. Any who, how do people do this like for real? I have a long list of things I want accomplish.
Not to start off on such a negative tone, but I hate the way I get wrapped up in social media. I find that I use it as a weird scapegoat from life. Whether it’s the different apps, or just getting sucked into a worm hole of “celebrity”/celebrity news. I get bound into other people’s lives and stories that have nothing to do with reality. This has to be the worst thing to get addicted to. All I ever dream/think/wonder about is if I was in their shoes how much better off I would be………I sound like such a sad sap millennial. I had many phases of what I thought this blog would be. I thought it would be an inspiration to all the weirdos out there who don’t quuiiitteee fit in. And my blog would have a gazellion followers and it would be great. Which obviously meant I had no direction or purpose for this other than to be internet famous, which sounds sooo fuckin’ awful outloud. I have to give up this “social media lifestyle” I dragged myself in. I am tired to trying to fit and be “cool”. I thought I would have given up on this by now. Its exhausting and elementary.
Any who now that the negative rant is over , I can now explain what I am going to do with this awesome domain name. *cues drumroll and reveling-ish music* I going to us it as a…..diary. Surprise, like no one saw that coming.